Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day is not always the easiest day for me to begin with...I live 3,000 miles away from my Mom and so don't get to celebrate it with her. But this year is much more difficult than most, as it is exactly 1 year ago today that I m/c my first baby with my DH. My life will never be the same, Mother's Day will never be the same. It is difficult not to reflect on all of the things that today "could have" been if things had turned out differently. I "could have" been the mother of a small baby, celebrating a happy Mother's Day, relishing in all the hopes and dreams that I would have for that little one. Instead, I am the mother of an angel baby who I never had the chance to meet and for whom all the hopes and dreams I had will never be realized. This past year it has been very difficult for me to even think of myself as a mother and just to write here that I am is difficult. But with the grief and loss that I feel, I know that I am, even if I never had the chance to hold, hug, or kiss that little baby.
I do not know the plans that God has for me...I can only hope and pray that the dreams that I have are somewhere in line with God's plan for my life. As each month passes with no closer step to mothering a live baby, my faith is tested and challenged. But I will hold steadfast to my faith and trust that God knows better than I do and, whatever God has planned for me will be the best possible plan for my life. That's not to say that I have given up on my dream of holding and raising my own dear child...in fact, I haven't yet been able to reconcile NOT having that dream become reality. But I do have to consciously make the decision every day to trust in God and trust that "Father knows best".
So, as I muddle through this day, while reflecting on my own experience with motherhood (however brief), I will also think of my own mother and all the other mothers I know. And I will prayer for these amazing women on this Mother's Day.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I heard about this quite some time ago, but was reminded of it in a recent discussion with my uncle. So I decided to finally check it out and I just LOVE it!!! If you're not familiar, it's free online radio that is created to your own personal taste. You can even create multiple radio stations if you like. I like to listen to music softly while I'm working at home but with any radio station (whether on line or on the TV) I always have to choose a specific genre. With Pandora, I've been able to create a station for me, which includes many genres, consisting of only songs and artists that I like. If a song comes on that I don't like, I just give it a thumbs down and it won't come up again.
Try it...it's fun!
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart
Okay, so this is a book written for preteen/teenagers, but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was like a lighter version of Harry Potter, minus the magic and younger heroes/heroines. I enjoyed the story line, the development of the characters and the mystery that unraveled throughout the book. There was one especially interesting development at the end (part of a subplot) in which I was like "ahhhh, now it makes sense". So for kids and kids at heart, I recommend this fun, easy read.
Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
This book was not at all what I expected. First, I didn't realize that it was the author's actual experience. Second, I guess from the movie previews I was expecting something lighthearted. Third, I did not expect the book to make me think and reflect so much on my own life and I never expected to relate so much. I'll leave it to you to get into the details but I loved the writing style of the author and her transformation throughout her story was relatable at many different intervals. I have already recommended this book to a few people and would do the same in general. I'm looking forward to seeing the movie...I hope it doesn't disappoint.
Promise Not to Tell by Jennifer McMahon
A deviation from my typical genre, this one wasn't quite what I expected but it was actually quite good. It's an easy read, not too long, but for a relatively short book I felt that it was pretty well developed and the build up kept me turning the pages. I definitely had difficulty putting this one down once I got started. When I read the reviews, they were mixed so I think this is one that you would either love or hate. Give it a try and let me know what you think. For me, I'm looking forward to reading another of Jennifer McMahon's books.
127 Hours: Between a Rock and a Hard Place by Aron Ralston
Yes, THAT Aron Ralston...the one the movie is about (though I can tell from the previews that the movie took some liberties). This book is amazing! The true story of Aron Ralston's experience when his hand gets caught by a boulder while hiking and he has to make the unthinkable decision to cut off his hand. Very well written...loved the outline, his writing style is incredibly engaging and sucks you in, and of course the virtually unbelievable experience that this man went through. I started off the book feeling sorry for him, went through a phase where I felt he kind of deserved what happened after tempting fate so much. But at the end I only have admiration for all that he went through, how he survived and especially how honest he was about himself. I strongly recommend this book, but beware that the part where he cuts off his hand is not for the weak of stomach.
Not Lost Forever: My Story of Survival by Carmina Salcido (with Steve Jackson)
I decided I had to get this book after I saw this young woman's story on a show titled "Kids of Killers" on TV. I was so intrigued by the show that I went searching for more about her and found a 20/20 episode on YouTube. That picqued my curiosity even more. So I got the book for Christmas and have just recently finished. The book is heartwrenching and gives me nothing but hope and prayers for a better life for Carmina Salcido. But at the same time I'm inspired by her strength to endure all that she has over the years. Please, read her book, hear her story in her own words. And share with me in raising up continued prayers that she will find peace and healing in her life.
So with those books done, here's my updated list of books to read:
- The Flight of the Romanovs by John Curtis Perry & Constantine Pleshakov
- To Full Term: A Mother's Triumph Over Miscarriage by Darci Klein
- Patti Jane's House of Curl by Lorna Landvik
- Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery
- Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Brown
- Emma by Jane Austen
- Fair Game by Valerie Plame Wilson
- Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
- The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Klaus
- Me: Stories of My Life by Katherine Hepburn
- Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier
- Have a Little Faith: a true story by Mitch Albom
- The Hunt for Bin Laden: Task Force Dagger by Robin Moore
- A Long Way Gone: Memoir's of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah
- Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
I find that this past year I leaned toward true stories and, based on my reading list it seems that I'll stick to the trend (at least for now).
What are you reading?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Yep, that's right...CANNING. From the time I was about 13 or 14 years old, we spent lots of time every summer canning, canning, canning. We canned just about everything, was even reminiscing with my mom about the time we canned jalapeno peppers. I DO NOT recommend it by the way...latex gloves DO NOT keep the oils from getting on your skin. Ouch!
Mom was surprised when I called last night to ask for her syrup recipe (to carry on a bit of the family pasttime) and then we had a nice chat while I started my first crack at canning (without Mom's supervision, that is). It all went pretty smooth and I'm happy to say that all of the jars sealed. Okay, so there were only 5 jars, but still, big accomplishment for my first time. Here are a couple pictures of my first attempt at canning (BIG SMILE):
I had a great time all around and learned a few things along the way:
- Picking fruit is an absolute blast when young kids are involved...they get so much joy out of the whole experience:)
- It's not that easy to find all the canning supplies and sometimes you have to get inventive.
- ~23 lbs of peaches really don't go that far. I still have some peaches left, probably enough to can about 5 more jars; however, I have other plans for those little guys. Next year, we'll definitely need to pick more.
- Hard water (which we did not have growing up) leaves a coating of calcium on everything after the canning is all said and done.
Thanks to my cousin and her family for picking peaches with us (she froze most of her peaches...I'm going to freeze some of our remaining this weekend) and, most of all, huge thanks and (((HUGS))) to my mom, the canning queen! Mom, you taught me well and I feel so blessed to have grown up learning the nearly lost skill/art of canning. I will carry this torch and, Lord willing, pass it along to future generations. I love you Mom!!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
That made things tough for awhile but then a little later, we go in for a cool off in the house and a bunch of other people come in and another guest comes in with her two kids and I can't remember what she was talking about but she said something about the only boys in her family all having the same birthday...the day was the exact month and day of our m/c.
What are the odds that of the 365 days in a year the only 2 dates I heard all day were the 2 dates linked with our little angel baby?!? Okay, so I calculated the odds and it's 0.5% chance!!!
So, did I pass the test? I don't know, but I made it through the day. It was a wonderful BBQ, as always, but it was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I'm still emotional about it but I'm not a basketcase. What caught me off-guard more than anything was my physical reaction...after hearing the due date thing and for a couple hours afterward I felt so weak, shaky, dizzy, and at times a little nauseous. Sigh.